Welcome home.

Hi, I’m Mandy Lynn, a transformational recovery coach and inter-faith Minister of Walking Prayer who has been exploring the many paths to the Great Mystery since I was taught to meditate and breathe with the trees at the tender age of 13, which saved my life I might add. My intent in writing here is to inspire prayer in action through dialogue with Creation. Or in other words, ‘talking and listening to God’, only my definition of God is vast and unlimited, and includes everything within and around us- the water that flows down the mountain and turns to grass which feeds the deer, then is given back to the Earth to evaporate in the afternoon sun, only to travel across the plains and spin itself into the frenzy of a tornado that brings destruction in its wake but also a cleansing of the land and hopefully, the minds and hearts of the people. I believe God/ Creator/ Spirit/ Source, whatever name you’ve given it, is communicating with us at all times through a myriad of messengers, and it is our job to stay clear & humble enough to listen.

We are born of the elements- Earth, Air, Fire, Water & Ether. How can we ever be disconnected from nature, when we are the very fabric of nature? It is only a problem of disillusionment- we are programmed to feel disconnected. In order to receive messages from Gaia’s grid, those energetic ley lines that intersect across the planet that remind us she is our Mother and are forever fed by her love and life force energy, we need to do the energetic maintenance work of clearing out the distortion we are plagued by, so that we can be the clearest, most pure version of ourselves, free from the manipulative programming of fear. I’m here to remind you that you are an intricate part of this web, that your life matters, regardless of your current circumstances or identity crisis. As I say ‘remind you’ I really mean I’m reminding myself, and if it helps you in the process, even better.

My prayer is to shed light on the roots of our modern suffering, playing out through countless addictions- not just the big ones like alcohol and drugs, but addiction to media, phones, porn, sugar… you name it and there is likely a group of people somewhere suffering from the imbalance of a scarcity mentality where the drive to consume has taken over. By scarcity mentality, I mean that I believe the root of addiction comes from a feeling of disconnect, despite the fact we are intricately connected to all of life, the feeling of not having enough- love, money, food, etc. drives us to imbalance in attempting to ingest as much of those things as possible when they are available to us, or doing anything we can to get our hands on it. This energy of desperation and grasping is the ego’s way of coping with the perceived lack. Only I believe we live in a loving and benign Universe that actually is working on our behalf at all times to ensure we have our needs met. But programming on this planet is strong and has engendered us to be accepting of violence, separation and scarcity.

My own parents suffered nearly their whole lives from addiction. My dad was 9 years old when he began smoking, both pot & cigarettes. My mom became an alcoholic when I was a baby. They also liked the other party favors which wreaked havoc on all of our lives and as a result, both of my parents passed away relatively young from health complications due to their respective addictions. I also struggle with it, it’s in my blood after all, but for me the substance is now relatively benign- chocolate is my drug of choice, which you might laugh at but I can tell you it wasn’t always so innocent. There were years where I drank heavily, did cocaine in nightclub bathrooms, and always had a supply of MDMA in my pocket for that random, boring Tuesday night. As a kid I vowed I would never touch any of those substances, I was so adamant that I would not turn out to be like my parents whose love of partying outweighed any sense of responsibility to put their children first. How quickly I lost sight of that vow. I was 15 the first time I smoked pot, by 16 I had a fake ID and was going to bars on school nights, by 19 I was driving to the city every weekend to go to raves where I’d dance for hours powered by a cocktail of drugs. I made stupid decisions and I hated myself for it. Not only did I put my own life at risk, but I endangered others as well.

The thing about addiction though is that no matter how messed up things get, somehow you always think you’ve got it under control. The worst part for me was I had become exactly like my parents- the one thing I was determined not to have happen. The beautiful gift, that I could not see at the time, was that it allowed me to cultivate a level of awareness and compassion for them that largely transformed the anger and rage I’d felt towards them for so long. Finally I could see that they were operating out of their suffering, not to excuse or condone their choices, but I could empathize with them as I too was suffering.

I’ve worked really hard to overcome my programming, which had me set on a course of self destruction and would have likely seen me in an early grave, were it not for meditation and the spiritual teachings which miraculously found me at an early age in the little mid-western town of Columbia, Missouri. Oh and writing. Writing also saved my life and my sanity. As a teenager it helped me to process the many emotions that had no safe space to be expressed. I had no one to talk to, and so I wrote. For many years I burned everything I had written, terrified someone would read it and it would destroy me and my family even further. Like all well-trained children who suffered neglect and abuse at the hands of their parents, I was more concerned with protecting them and their secrets than I was with my own well being. So I wrote as a way to let it out, and I burned it as soon as I got the chance. However, now that my parents are gone, I have no more need to hide myself or my story in the shadows in fear of what consequences may come. In fact, my Spirit won’t let me anymore. For years I have dealt with the weight of my families’ situation, constantly putting others first before my own well being as a survival mechanism (maybe you can relate?) and all of my creative projects that I once felt so passionate about have been relegated to the “someday” space in my brain. Someday I’ll get around to writing my book, or making pottery again, or you name it, it’s been on the back burner. Now I am at the point where there is no putting it off. Both of my parents, who I spent the majority of my life worrying about, have left this realm and it is time for me to put myself first. I should add that it is not my intent to air my families dirty secrets or villainize my parents in any way, despite their many poor choices, they were very loving people who had beautiful hearts and I know wanted better for me. In fact, I believe it was partly the shame they felt that fueled their addictions throughout their lives. However, I do see how important it is to be authentic in my experiences because it doesn’t work for me to just show the shiny, look at me now, side of life. How can I show you there is a way through if I am not real in my sharing?

After many long years of questioning if I had anything that was worth sharing with others, I have arrived at the place I knew along- my expression matters, my dreams matter, and so do yours. The word universe means ‘one song’. All of life is communicating with us, we just have to retrain our ears to hear it. We live in a most precious, radiantly beautiful web of life- one that we are an intricate part of, if we can only see it with clear eyes, clear thoughts & a clear heart. The Sufi’s teach about polishing the mirror of the heart. This best describes the work I am here to support others with, as it is my prayer that we can all clear enough of the distortion and manipulative programming we’ve been suffocated with in order to see the world, and each other, through eyes of beauty. I always tell people that I believe humility is the doorway to the Creator but I’ve not allowed myself to be fully vulnerable, partly because I’m the strong one others always tend to lean on for support and most people don’t know what to do with me when I am vulnerable, and partly because the pressure of attaining perfection before sharing with the world is a trauma response rooted in survival that has kept me paralyzed from moving forward- never feeling like I am qualified enough to share. The reality is though I have been blessed to have many amazing teachers- yogis, meditation instructors, sound healers, medicine people from across the Americas… I have fasted numerous times on a mountain alone, I have sat in countless all night ceremonies around the fire with different master plant teachers and the guardians of those medicines, I have volunteered thousands of hours to projects whose missions I believe in, and I have traveled and been welcomed in to people's homes who had little to share but were the most generous people I’ve ever encountered. All of this just to say that I have received more wisdom than I could ever hope to share, but the point is it's time to share. Many of my elders are passing and in order to keep their teachings alive, and feed their Spirits, I must walk the fine line of sharing the essence of those teachings while also being discerning in protecting their cultural heritage. 

My intention for this space is to create a community of like hearted, awe-inspired people who marvel at the miracle of life, or at least desire to live in such a way. So many people are suffering right now, lost, confused and afraid, mired in addictive tendencies, seeking the medicine of connection. Not to say I have any answers, but I will do my best to share what has been so graciously shared with me by the many teachers who’ve come across my path the last 30 years. Most of all thank you for being my witness, and for joining me in weaving this deeper web of relationship. If any of this resonated for you, please consider subscribing to my page, or scheduling a clarity call with me to see how I may support your vision in being a catalyst for healing and transformation in the world.